


Matryoshka

by magicgenetek



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Gen, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-09
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-04 19:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/714042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicgenetek/pseuds/magicgenetek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What can save a king from a thousand years of mind control by a magic crown capable of starting the apocalypse?</p><p>A) The power of friendship<br/>B) An encounter with the most dangerous undead sorcerer in the multiverse<br/>C) Therapy<br/>D) All of the above</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. King and Princess

It started when Ice King went to visit Finn and Jake.  
  
He’d been sleeping on their roof lately, secretly, so that he could be near them. Sometimes his son  Neptr would come up on the roof with him and they’d look at the stars together. Neptr couldn’t go home with him because he loved Finn more than he loved Ice King, but it was nice to be near him. Neptr had been sworn to secrecy so that Finn and Jake wouldn’t tell Ice King to stop sleeping on their roof.  
  
Ice King had stayed up far too late the night before and had slept well into the morning, long enough that the sun was up. He’d rolled into the shadow of the chimney to avoid it, but an awful heat was still there.  
  
Ice King opened one eye. A girl was leaning over him. Her hair was flames, her skin was earth so hot that it glowed orange, and rubies were set in her forehead and chest.  
  
 **Sister** , thought something in his head. “Flame Princess?” he asked, sitting up. He’d spied on Finn visiting her a few times, but he’d never dared to go close because, well - he wasn’t going to go and kidnap someone else’s princess and he didn’t want Finn to think he would, and she was a fire elemental and he was of ice and even touching would end in them hurting each other, and she reminded him enough of his small helpless penguins that he didn’t really feel like kidnapping her, and he didn’t want to impinge on her happiness with Finn. Everyone loved Finn like they didn’t love Ice King.  
  
“Yes,” she said. “Who are you?”  
  
“I’m Ice King. What are you doing here?”  
  
“I brought Finn a gift and I saw you on the roof. You’re not going to do anything bad to him, are you?” She leaned in, eyes narrowed.  
  
“No, no! Finn is my friend. I was sleeping up here so I could be near him.”  
  
Flame Princess brightened at once. “Ok!” She sat down across from him and showed off a rabbit speared on a long, metal stick. “I know fleshy people like eating other fleshy things, so I thought I’d make him food.”  
  
He looked at the rabbit. It was burnt up all over and crispy and he doubted there would be much edible on it.  
  
“I don’t think that’ll work. It’s too burnt,” he said, and stood. “Let me help you.”  
  
Flame Princess stared glumly at her roasted rabbit. “But fire is good.”  
  
“Not if there’s too much on the meat! I’ll show you how to do it right. Come on!” Ice King hopped into the air and flapped his beard, flying away. Flame Princess became a flame and zipped after him, and together they flew into the forest.

* * *

  
  
They found a large clearing around a cave hidden deep in a marsh. A fat rabbit was nibbling on the last remaining meat on a wolf’s skeleton there.  
  
“This is where I found the last rabbit,” Flame Princess whispered to Ice King. They were both hiding behind a rock. “They’re big and fleshy, so I thought they’d be perfect for Finn.”  
  
“They are big and fleshy and good eating. The problem,” Ice King replied, “is that these are the killer rabbits of carne-bog! Named so because they eat all the meat in the bog. We have to be really careful or they’ll use their big pointy teeth to eat us up!”  
  
“I just set them on fire last time and it wasn’t a problem.”  
  
“Yeah, but we don’t want all the meat burnt up,” Ice King said. “We’ll have to do something else.” He jumped up and pointed. “Look, a distraction!”  
  
The rabbit looked up and hissed, baring its fangs, and leapt at Ice King. “Zap!” Ice King froze its body and caught the ice block full of rabbit. “Now run!”  
  
He started flying away. Flame Princess stared for a moment before she noticed a horde of rabbits starting to swarm at the cave entrance, then turned into a flame and zapped into the trees to leap from branch to branch.  
  
Once they were out into the plains, Ice King put the ice block with the rabbit down gently and pulled a sharp ice knife from the air. “What are you doing?” Flame Princess asked.  
  
Ice King slit the rabbit’s throat with a smooth flick of his wrist. The rabbit died almost at once, and Ice King waited for the blood to flow out before freezing the ice over the rabbit’s head. “There. I’ll skin it when we get back to Finn’s house.”  
  
“Woaaaah.”  
  
“Should we get some other ingredients while we’re out here?” Ice King asked.  
  
Flame Princess went hmm.

* * *

  
  
The cow mooed in pain as Ice King milked her. “Cold, cold, too cold!”  
  
“I’m almost done, silly!” Soon, the bucket of milk was filled to the brim, and he put an ice cap on top and spun around to show it off to Flame Princess. “We’ve got the milk!”  
  
“Yay! What next, what next?”  
  
“First, we need something to help us carry  the food. Snowmen, arise!” He shoved his hand in the air and cooled the water in it until it fell into snow, then started rolling them into balls.  
  
They melted once they got near Flame Princess. She stepped back before the water could hit her feet, and Ice King frowned. “This isn’t working.”  
  
“Noooo. What do we do? I can’t summon any flame monsters yet and I melt everything of yours!”  She flopped onto the ground in frustration, and Ice King flopped down a safe distance away from her with rabbit and milk safely iced beside him.    
  
“What will we do?” he asked no one.  
  
“I just said that!”  
  
“Hmm.” He wiggled around on the ground. **Make her take off a gemstone** , thought something in his head, but.  They were part of her body. Wouldn’t that hurt? No, a different tactic. “What if you stay very far away from the snowmen as we get the food? “  
  
“Let’s try it! I’m good at keep-away. Finn said not to burn anyone if I could help it.” She zipped into her fire form and giggled. “Let’s go! Where next?”  
  
“We have milk and meat, so I think we should get vegetables next!”

* * *

  
  
The Vegetable Kingdom never saw them coming. They grabbed the peas and carrots and celery and water chestnuts and ran for the hills before anyone realized they were there.  


* * *

  
  
Getting broth was a little harder, but there were plenty of traders in the woods. Flame Princess just distracted one while Ice King grabbed the broth and then they both fled.  
  
~*~*~  
  
By the time they got back to the treehouse, they were both panting for breath and grinning hugely. Ice King broke open the door and had his snowmen carry the food in and put them on the counters before sending them outside to keep an eye out for Finn and Jake and anyone who could have followed them. Only then did Flame Princess come inside.  
  
“I don’t usually cook,” Ice King said as he took out the large pot, “because I feel awful or too tired to cook, but right now I feel really good so I’ll do all of it! You’d burn the food anyway. How about you sing something so that I have a reason to keep going?”  
  
Flame Princess tinfoiled the table and and sat on it, where she watched him order the snowmen around.  
  
“Nine magics once smote earth in solid form  
flame, ice, earth, air, forest, ocean, craft, mind  
and music; from these nine, wizards were born  
and for mortals nine gifts were left to find.  
Of these, flame was the greatest. The necklace  
from which fire and combustion sprung  
was made from fine gold forged in darkest ash  
and from which four rubies, red as flame, hung.  
Flame King wears one within his metal crown.  
Impassioned Father locks one within chest.  
Two for daughter whom chill threatened to down  
whose rescue was to flame power invest.  
On this, our kingdom was amassed  
so that phoenix race may arise at last.”  
  
Ice King danced to her song as he chopped vegetables and threw food into the pot. “That’s good! I haven’t heard this one in years! The lyrics changed again.”  
  
Flame Princess swung her bare legs in the air. “We change the lyrics depending on who has what gemstones, since they’re the mark of royalty. Where’d you hear it? It’s not usually sung outside the flame court.”  
  
“Oh, I’ve been there a few times. Not for a while. Flame people don’t like me, and neither does the land there. My powers short out in heat if I’m not really careful because I’m the king of ice.”  
  
“That’s probably good. Dad said that there’s an ice man out there who likes kidnapping little girls and hiding them in his house and then he eats them,” Flame Princess said, and frowned and tapped her head. “I think. He was really vague about it.”  
  
“If I see him, I will blast him at once!” yelled Ice King, dramatically raising his ice knife.  
  
“Yay! I want to watch! If I see him, I’ll melt him down!”  
  
And from there they talked into the night. Ice King checked on the food now and then and raided the fridge for frozen chocolates. Flame Princess poked around the kitchen and tried to avoid the flammable stuff.  
  
They were trying to figure out what was the mysterious pink stuff in a carton when the hatch on the floor thudded open. Ice King looked up from the mystery carton to see Beemo and Neptr climb out.  
  
“What do you think you’re doing in our house, Ice King?” asked Beemo.  
  
“Poppi, you brought a lady over! Is she a princess?” asked Neptr.  
  
“You’re a flower?” asked Flame Princess.  
  
Ice King waved his hand to wave the idea off. “No, no, I’m not a flower. How do you know flowers? I thought they didn’t grow in the Fire Kingdom.”  
  
Flame Princess blushed. “Finn’s teaching me about plants.”  
  
“Flame Princess, what are you doing here?” asked Beemo. “What are you doing with the Ice King? Did he try anything? I will rip him limb from limb to protect you!”  
  
“No! He’s been really nice! We’re making food for Finn. You should help.” She knelt and grinned at Beemo, falling into conversation with him as Neptr crept over to Ice King.  
  
“What are you going to do with her?” Neptr asked once they were out of earshot of Beemo and Flame Princess. “Did you kidnap her?”  
  
“Nooo. She’s Finn’s princess. I’m not the kind of guy who steals other peoples’ princesses, especially not Finn’s! He’s my friend.” Ice King glanced at Flame Princess, then added sotto voce, “Besides, she’s way too young for me.”  
  
“Whatever you say,” Neptr said. “Can I help with the cooking? I can make Finn a pie!”  
  
“Yeah! You can make dessert while Flame Princess and I handle dinner!” Ice King picked Neptr up and hugged him tightly to his chest. “Maybe you could make a meat pie too!” He pressed his face up against Neptr’s side, savoring the coolness of the metal. His son was as cold as he was; he was easy to hold.  
  
“What are you doing?”  
  
“Hugging you,” Ice King said, voice muffled. He sat down in the corner with Neptr still in his arms and sat there and decided that he didn’t want to get up for a while.  
  
Flame Princess wandered over after a while. “You ok?”  
  
“Just hugging Neptr,” Ice King said.  
  
She nodded. “Do you need to watch the food?”  
  
“It’s fine. It can wait. It’s a recipe that needs time to cook.”  
  
She stared at him some more, then flopped over. “I’m going to sleep. Hand me the tin foil, Beemo.”  
  
“Good idea.” Ice King flopped over in his corner, a safe distance from Flame Princess. “Neptr, can you stay here with me?”  
  
“Yes, Poppi.”  
  
“Beemo, wake us up in two hours.”  
  
Beemo scoffed. “Fine. You are lucky I do not go and tell Finn right now.”  
  
“We want this to be a surprise,” Flame Princess said from the floor, an edge to her voice, “so you better not. It’s a super special gift for him.”  
  
“Yeah!” Ice King chimed in. “We’re not doing anything bad like hiring a hitman or freezing him solid or watching his secret tapes or spying or kidnapping or trying to find out why he snuck into my ice kingdom. Please, Beemo, do us a favor!” He clasped his hands in front of Neptr to prove how important it was, to show he was willing to beg.  
  
Beemo wandered over and sat on Ice King’s lap, next to Neptr. “I will do it here so I can keep an eye on you. I can trust Flame Princess not to ruin things,” he said, and Ice King glanced at her sleeping form, where her flame flickered a safe distance from the floor on her head, “because she is Finn’s friend, but you are not trustworthy. So there!”  
  
Ice King nodded. “Ok. Goodnight, Beemo. Goodnight, Neptr. Goodnight, princess.” And with that, he began to doze sitting against the wall.


	2. Dinner at Finn's

Ice King woke up to footsteps. He blinked the sleep off and stretched. His hands bumped into Neptr in his lap, who looked up at him. “What is it?” Neptr asked.  
  
“I hear someone,” Ice King said. Beemo was not on his lap anymore. He stood up carefully and tip-toed over to the trapdoor with Neptr in his arms, giving the still-sleeping Flame Princess a wide berth.  
  
Voices. Three of them. He didn’t know the voices. Sometimes he forgot who sounded like what and he’d startle when he heard Princess Bubblegum speak because he remembered her voice being lower, rougher, or he’d hear himself and flinch because he didn’t sound right.  
  
“He hasn’t tried to kidnap her at all?” A child’s voice. Edge of growing up. Incredulous.  
  
“No!” The sharpness of the voice, the high pitch, placed it as Beemo. “They’re acting like friends. I think maybe she’s under a spell! Or she just likes strange people.”  
  
Ice King sucked in a nervous breath and put a finger over his lips so Neptr knew not to talk. He had to listen to what they were talking about!    
  
Someone said, “A bunch of people were complaining that an old man and a flame person went and stole their food.” Lower voice, difficulty with the Rs. Jake? “Do you know anything about that?”  
  
“They said they were making food for Finn,” Beemo said, with the unspoken addition that he didn’t believe a word of it.  
  
“Hey! You said you weren’t going to tell! That was going to be a surprise!” Ice King yelled, then covered his mouth as Finn, Jake and Beemo all turned to look up at him. “Oops.”  
  
“Ice King, did you steal food from the Vegetable Kingdom?”  
  
“They weren’t using it!” Finn and Jake climbed up and Ice King backed away until the table smacked into the small of his back. “It was finders keepers! And it’s supposed to be a surprise, Beemo, you weren’t supposed to tell!”  
  
“You were sleeping in the house. I had to tell.” Beemo’s glare was as hard as his voice.  
  
Ice King growled and rubbed his head, his thumb glancing over one of the gems of the crown. He was right, he knew he was in the right, he was making a gift and that made this ok.  
  
Finn jumped up the ladder and poked Ice King in the chest. “Don’t break into our house!”  
  
“You didn’t lock it!”  
  
“Did you do something to Flame Princess?”  
  
Ice King glanced back at her; she was so small in sleep, it seemed like, and she genuinely liked him and he would never  -  
  
She genuinely liked him. She liked him! She liked him!  
  
“I didn’t have to! She genuinely likes me! I didn’t have to use magic or anything because she just likes me!” Ice King cackled at Finn, half with satisfaction at Finn and Jake and Beemo’s surprise and half with glee because she actually really liked him. “Maybe,” he said, as the words flowed into his head with the promise of Finn’s shock, “maybe I should ask her to marry me because I wouldn’t even need to kidnap her! She likes me that much!”  
  
“Neverrrr!” Finn punched Ice King, sending him sprawling back onto the table. Ice King dropped Neptr and grabbed his crown to make sure it was on, then zapped blunted ice shards at him - they’d bruise and maybe break but they wouldn’t kill. Finn rolled away from them as they crashed onto the floor and Jake batted them away from Beemo.  
  
They froze as one man as Flame Princess giggled. Ice King, Finn, Jake and Beemo all turned to see her sitting up and clapping her hands, Neptr next to her. They chanted: “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”  
  
“Um,” said Ice King, sitting up on the table and adjusting his robes.  
  
“Fight?” asked Finn, straightening his hat.  
  
Flame Princess nodded. “Sometimes, when I got bored, Daddy made gladiators fight! It was really fun. Sometimes I got to turn the loser into cats!”  
  
Jake paled. Finn’s mouth made an O. Ice King rolled off the table and onto the floor, which dislodged a memory from his head. “You reincarnated them?”  
  
“Yeah! It’s an important job of the royal family,” Flame Princess said. “Gotta let them go back to being little so when they grow up, they get even stronger!”  
  
“What?” said Finn.  
  
“Woah!” said Neptr.  
  
“Ok, stop, all of you,” said Jake, and he waved his hands around. “One person at a time. Flame Princess, what the heck is going on? And why is Ice King here?”  
  
Flame Princess explained about wanting to make Finn dinner, meeting Ice King and going hunting with him, and how they had some rabbit stew on the stove and they had worked really hard and why was everyone so suspicious of Ice King?  
  
“That’s normal. Everyone treats me like that,” said Ice King. “Everyone’s watching me when they’re not ignoring me. I’ll go check on the stew!”  
  
He ignored them as he checked that the stew was doing well. It smelled really good, like meat and spices and it needed a thickening agent. He went into a cabinet for flour and a frying pan and to the fridge for butter and ignored the rising voices behind him.  
  
They’d stopped by the time he’d poured the roux into the stewpot. He turned and saw Flame Princess calmly tinfoiling a seat with Finn’s help, Jake helping Beemo wash the ashes off, and Neptr sitting at his feet. “What?”  
  
“Poppi, you’re staying for dinner, right?”  
  
“Of course I am!” Ice King picked Neptr up so he could look at the stew. “What’d be the point of me making this if I didn’t stay? I want to see Finn enjoy it!”  
  
Flame Princess stuck her tongue out at Beemo. Beemo stuck his back.  
  
“It’ll be ready in a few minutes. Can you help me set the table, Neptr?”  
  
“Of course!”  
  
~*~*~  
  
Finn poked at a piece of meat uncertainly. “Are you sure this is good?”  
  
“Are you questioning my cooking skills?” Ice King waved his spoon at him. “I may be out of practice but I’m really good at cooking when I feel up to it! Just try it!”  
  
Finn did, swirling it in his mouth. Ice King leaned on the edge of his seat, hearing his heartbeat go fast in his ears. “Hmmm. Tastes kind of funny.”  
  
“Let me try!” Jake scooped some up and ate it. “It needs salt. That’s the problem.”  
  
“If you have too much salt, you’ll have heart problems and die!” Ice King said, but it was too late. They started adding salt to it in big spoonfuls and he felt his stomach twist and then Finn smiled.  
  
“It’s delicious!”  
  
Ice King relaxed. “Oh. Good.”  
  
Flame Princess air high-fived him from across the table, where her heat wouldn’t make him feel sick. They grinned at each other before digging into their bowls of soup.  
  
The evening passed in a happy blur. Ice King mostly listened. Every now and then, he’d look over to Flame Princess, who slurped her soup from a metal bowl; puffs of steam rose from her head in various shapes. She’d wave at him when she wasn’t watching Finn.  
  
They were really cute. He remembered what love was like. He’d drift off into his head watching them, imagining if it was him and Princess Bubblegum with her red hair and her lab coat and her glasses.  
  
When the night was done, he flew down to the door. The food was like a stone in his stomach; he’d regret eating like a big fatty later, he knew, but right now the food was a good stone, like a ruby or a diamond. Flame Princess followed, then Finn and Jake and the robots. “Where are you going?” Flame Princess asked.  
  
“Dunno. Home, probably,” Ice King said. “I have to take care of my penguins. They’re totally helpless without me.” Not really, but they were happier with him home. Gunter got mad if he was gone for a long time. **It wouldn’t be good if he stayed here much longer.**  
  
“Oh.” She looked down, away, sad. She was sad he was leaving. She was sad?  
  
She wandered to the piles of treasure and picked up a silver tray. She drew on it with her finger, melting lines into it, then walked over and handed it to him.  
  
He stared. Flame Princess had drawn a map. “Come visit me,” she said. “Today was really fun!” She smiled like the sun coming up.  
  
Ice King clutched the map to his chest. “I will. I will! I’ll come visit you! All the time!”  
  
“Now go take care of your penguins,” she said, smiling.  
  
“I will!”  He hopped into the air and flew away, still clutching the metal map, and it was still warm with her molten touch. He felt warm all over. He felt  - happy, that was it. “Friends,” he said, and he spun and the wind whistled and he shouted, “Best friends!” And again: “Friends forever!” And tears were blasted away at the corners of his eyes.

 

* * *

  
  
Finn and Flame Princess watched Ice King leave.  
  
“Are you sure about that?” Finn asked.  
  
“He’s really nice, and he’s an elemental like me. He feels the same. And he can teach me about living outside the Flame Kingdom!” She looked over at Finn. “Why? Is he evil?”  
  
“No! He’s just...I mean...” Finn floundered. “Did he try to hit on you?”  
  
“Nope. Why do you ask?”  
  
“He kidnaps princesses sometimes.”  
  
“Oh.” Flame Princess shrugged. “If he tries, I’ll punch him. Want to play card wars?”  
  
“Let’s go!” They ran back inside laughing.


	3. Part of the Creative Process

Ice King went to Flame Princess’s house the very next day with a pan of mac and cheezles. He forgot to bring forks so they both ate it with their hands, and stray drops of cheese sizzled on Flame Princess’s molten skin when they dripped through her fingers. They played catch with a rock and Ice King told her his very best jokes and Flame Princess laughed and laughed and occasionally asked things like what is a blonde and why would she die if she yelled about fire?

 

Blonde was easy; fire was not. There was a shape of an idea there that he couldn’t remember, and when he finally admitted it, she shrugged. “It’s fine. There’s lots of stuff I don’t know either.”

 

Ice King took out a marker and wrote a note on his hand: _look up ‘fire’ on internet._

 

He didn’t realize the time until the sky turned orange with red dregs, and flew back home waving at Flame Princess until she was out of sight.

 

* * *

 

 

He came again the next day, and brought the board game he carved from his own teeth.

 

And he came again on the next day, and this time he brought oven mitts for her and froze ice on hands for him so they could play the game safely.

 

And again the next day, and brought his computer so they could look stuff up together.

 

Again and again and again, he came back. She smiled when she saw him and waved him at him from the ground. Sister, rumbled something in his mind, sister in flames, and Flame Princess’s gems would wink and burst like stars as if to reply in kind.

 

* * *

 

 

Finn and Jake came on the eighth day.

 

Ice King would catch Finn staring at him when he talked to Flame Princess. He had a weird face when he did that. Maybe he was worried Ice King would steal his girl? Which was silly, because Ice King didn’t do that kind of thing. He only wanted to marry single princesses. Cheating was wrong.

 

Usually he didn’t mind staying in places where he wasn’t wanted because he knew the princesses were only playing, but this was different. Flame Princess liked him enough that she wasn’t playing around but Finn was mad. When he tried to talk to Finn, Finn snapped at him.

 

“What are you planning to do with her?”

 

Ice King’s words couldn’t get out of his mouth. Instead, he left well before the sky turned red.

 

* * *

 

 

“He wasn’t doing anything wrong!” Flame Princess said. She paced, the grass under her feet turning to ashes. “He’s only been nice!”

 

“I know, but I’m worried!” Finn spread his arm as if to show how worried he was. “What if he kidnaps you? Or what if he does something stupid and hurts you? Sometimes he does stuff like that!”

 

“I’m fourteen and I'm good at fighting,” Flame Princess said, and she crossed her arms. “I’ll handle him by myself. You don’t have to protect me this time.”

 

“I know you can fight!” Finn gestured as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to, his palms up. “But sometimes Ice King does stuff that’s dangerous and hurts people and he doesn’t realize he’s hurting people.”

 

“Like me,” Flame Princess said quietly.

 

Finn shook his head and waved his arms. “No, no, no, not like you!”

 

Flame Princess turned and stomped her foot. “Yes, like me! I didn’t know a lot of stuff before I got out of the Flame Kingdom! I didn’t know how to be good, or know how my flames hurt people! I didn’t realize they were really _people_! How is that different from Ice King does?”

 

“Because...because,” Finn said. He looked down, away. “I don’t know how to explain it. We’ve tried to help Ice King be good, but then he snaps back to being not-good.”

 

“Evil?”

 

“No! Not evil. But not good, either. Sort of chaotic neutral.” Finn sighed. “It’s like pouring water through a sieve. He barely remembers anything. He’s gotten nicer since I first met him, but he still does creepy stuff! He's almost destroyed the world a couple times - by accident!”

 

“Aha! Then he can get better.” Flame Princess began pacing again. “It’s like when fire changes rock in the earth. It takes time, heat, and pressure. We have the time, we have the heat - that’s us helping him be good - what we need is the pressure. Maybe you’re not using the right kind.”

 

“What is the right kind?” Finn asked.

 

“I don’t know yet. Maybe it’s being nice. He said no one else hangs out with him, so maybe that’s what I need to do.” Flame Princess looked over at Finn. “I want to help him like you’re helping me.”

 

Finn sighed. “Ok. Yeah. I see what you mean. But be careful, ok?”

 

Flame Princess smiled. “I will.” She picked up a rock and kissed it, then offered it to Finn: a peace offering. Finn smiled and took the rock and kissed it, and Flame Princess giggled and spun, her flame spiking with excitement before flattening back to calmness. “This is gonna be great!”

 

* * *

 

 

Finn didn’t show up on the ninth day. Ice King was glad. He and Flame Princess played board games again. She told him he had a pretty smile.

 

He told her she was pretty, like a ruby in the light, and she smiled. Her smile was pretty, too.

 

* * *

 

 

He brought a tank of gasoline on the fifteenth day. Flame Princess drank some from a small cup and flared hot and high, her skin and hair turning gold, yellow, white, and it was like looking at the sun.

 

* * *

 

 

On the twenty-first day, he brought Fionna and Cake and read it to Flame Princess.

 

“‘Ice King is the hottest hottie, and I can’t wait to marry him!’ said Fionna. Then she turned to Prince Gumball and said, "I hope Ice King will sweep me off my feet and take me to the farthest corner of Ooo, where we will do nothing but kiss and eat a whole bunch until we get fat and die!” The end.’ What do you think of my fanfiction?”

 

Flame Princess grinned over her arms. She was lying on her stomach and kicking her legs. “Do you have any more?”

 

It was like a dream came true. He felt his heart warming up - or maybe it was heartburn from the badly made cake and steak they’d managed to create yesterday. Ice King pawed through his beard and pulled out book two. “Do I ever!”

 

* * *

 

 

“We should go see Marceline,” Ice King said.

 

It had been some time since he’d seen Marceline. He’d gotten so worked up with everything going on with Flame Princess. But Marceline was really cool and she liked him and Ice King wanted to see her again.

 

“Marceline who did the Fry Song?” Flame Princess asked.

 

“Yeah, yeah! She’s so good and I love her music!” Ice King sat up on the grass. “Her cave’s not that far from here, anyway. We could fly there in half an hour.”

 

Flame Princess nodded. “I’ll race you!”

 

Ice King was faster in the air than Flame Princess was as a flame, even with his drum set strapped to his back, but she could find shortcuts like a pro. She only lost by a few dozen feet, skidding to a halt on the stone wall opposite Marceline’s house before bouncing back and laughing. “Cheaterrrrrr.”

 

“No way. I won fair and square!”

 

She sent a puff of hot air his way with a flick of her hand, sending him reeling back. Ice King laughed and pushed back a cool wind, which sent her hair flickering.

 

Marceline floated out of her house. “Hey, hey, what’s all this laughing about?”

 

“Oh!” Ice King almost jumped out of his robe as Marceline draped over his shoulders, then relaxed as her weight settled on him. “Marceline, look, I wanted you to meet my friend Flame Princess. She’s really nice and she’s a fire elemental and Finn’s girlfriend.”

 

“Girlfriend, huh? Nice to meet you.” Marceline waved over Ice King’s shoulder. “He’s said good things about you.”

 

“Like what?” Flame Princess asked.

 

“I’ll tell you all about it once you two get into the house,” Marceline said. “I know fireproofing magic, so it won’t take more than a few minutes to get it ready, Flame Princess.”

 

Ice King and Flame Princess cheered.

 

* * *

 

 

Ice King set up his drum set. Marceline got out her axe bass. Flame Princess cast Flame Keyboard and summoned her instrument.

 

“What are we going to sing about?” Marceline asked.

 

“Dating,” said Ice King.

 

“My stupid dad,” said Flame Princess.

 

“We’re going to sing about her stupid dad,” Ice King said.

 

Marceline smiled. “That’s sweet of you,” she said. “Now, do you have some idea about what you want to sing? Give me a tune.”

 

Flame Princess fingered a few keys, major-minor-minor. “Hmm. Can I copy one of your songs?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Flame Princess took a deep breath and sang.

 

“Daddy, why did you lock me up?  
Did you just want to shut me up?  
Was my evil just not enough?  
Or did you think I was too tough?  
Daddy, did you - even - “

 

Her voice cracked, and Flame Princess slammed on the keyboard with both hands; Ice King winced at the noise. “Argh! This is stupid!” She slammed her hand again, making another jumble of awful noise. “Stupid, stupid Dad! I’m not,” slam, “a child,” slam, “for you to put in a lamp!” Bam! Her hands melted through the keys.

 

Ice King scooted over to Marceline. “Is this ok? She’s dripping fire on the floor, and I don’t think you fireproofed that.”

 

Marceline shrugged. “It’s all part of the creative process. She needs to get it out somehow, and I don’t want to interfere. I blew up my dad’s house when I first started working on Fries.”

 

“Don’t you talk about me like I’m not here! Fire Orb!” Flame Princess flung a ball of fire at Marceline, which Ice King smothered with a blast of snow. Flame Princess shrieked and started to bang her head on the wall, her hair twining up and over her head like a bonfire.

 

Ice King looked from Flame Princess to Marceline, Flame Princess to Marceline. “Um...”

 

“Why don’t you work on your song and put out some of the fires while I go get some fire-proof mats? Give her a little time to simmer down,” Marceline said. She patted Ice King’s bald head. “You’ve got this.”

 

Ice King stared after her as she flew upstairs, then looked back at Flame Princess, who was now resting her head against the wall and turning the wallpaper black. He picked up a drumstick and banged it against the drums a few times. Beat, beat.

 

“I won’t talk about you like you’re not there anymore, if it helps,” he said.

 

“It helps,” Flame Princess said. She flopped onto her butt, her hair swirling down, calming. “No one paid attention to me when I was home. Father put me in a lamp because I don’t know why and so I got to watch everyone do things without me.” She looked over to Ice King. “I don’t know why they did it! That’s the worst part. No,” she amended, “the worst part was that I was stuck there and everyone ignored me.”

 

Ice King tapped the drum again. “Everyone ignores me too. No one wants Ice King around, or they pretend they don’t so that they stay popular. What’s with that, huh?”

 

“It’s not fair!”

 

“It’s not!”

 

“We should revolt!”

 

“We’ll be revolting!”

 

Marceline came back carrying blue fire-proof mats. “Having fun?”

 

“We’re gonna revolt against dads!” Ice King said.

 

Marceline smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Then let’s play to it, you two.” She picked up her axe-bass again. “Princess, you ready to play?”

 

Flame Princess nodded, wobbling to her feet. “Yeah. Can you start us off?”

 

“Sure. Ice King, start the beat!”

 

Ice King twirled his drumsticks. “You got it!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Can we come back tomorrow?” Flame Princess asked. She was sitting on a fireproof mat on the kitchen floor while Ice King lounged on the table and Marceline floated.

 

“Normally, I’d say yes,” Marceline said. She huffed hair out of her face. “I’m going off-world to visit my uncle tomorrow. I haven’t seen him in decades because he’s pretty busy, so I’m taking the chance while I’ve got it. I should be back in a couple weeks, though, so how about I pick you two up for more jams and lunch then?”

 

“It’s a date!” yelled Ice King.

 

Marceline smiled and floated behind him, patted his back. “I bet. Should I send you home with some boxed spaghetti?”

 

“Nooo, it’s fattening,” Ice King whined, but he took it anyway because she’d look sad if he didn’t. “Fine, ok. For you. But you have to come work out with me when I get fat.”

 

“It’s a date,” Marceline said, and patted his head.

 

* * *

 

 

When he got home, after he’d taken Flame Princess back to her house, Ice King opened up the box of spaghetti. It glistened with tomato sauce, and meatballs the size of his fist teased him. It would make him so fat, so very fat, but it would be worth it because Marceline’s food was delicious.

 

There was also a note. Ice King read it.

 

_Ice King_

 

_Plz take care of FP. She is super cute and needs help with her dad and u r good at that dad stuff!!! And no kidnapping!! I’ll bring u back a souvineer._

 

_xo Marcy_

 

Ice King blinked. He was good at dad stuff? He hadn’t realized Marceline had seen him taking care of the penguins. So he should do that to Flame Princess?

 

If Marceline thought so, Ice King thought, it was worth a try.


	4. The Games that Royals Play

On a scale from one to good dad things, Ice King rated himself a solid six. He took care of the penguins. He gave them a place to stay. Sometimes they vomited fish at him, but he would get them to eat it or offer it to the baby penguins because ew, no. He cleaned their poop. He taught them how to act. He was a good dad.

 

Parenting a princess was a whole other thing. Princesses didn’t vomit fish or eat socks or pooped in your slippers or had magic kittens. Right?

 

He barely slept, trying to think of ways to parent a princess. When he did sleep, his dreams were jumbled; clay men vomited green on his feet, and a skeleton followed him as he carried Gunter to her bed. A golden owl had nested in Gunter’s bed, and he tried to push it out, but it was too heavy. The skeleton tapped his shoulder with its curled horns. Gunter started to vomit on his shirt. Ice King tried to rub his head, to think, but all he touched was air.

 

He woke up on the floor, clutching his head. The crown had fallen off him when he’d fallen off the bed. He put it back on and rubbed at his temples, trying to think.

 

 **Maybe he should visit Princess Bubblegum** , said a thought in his head. **She knows everything about princesses. Also skeletons.**

 

It wouldn’t hurt to visit her. She was the smartest person he knew, after all.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, Princess! Hey, hey, Princess Bubblegum!”

 

 

Ice King tapped on the sugar glass windows outside of Bubblegum’s study. Bubblegum swiveled in her swivel chair and wheeled over to the window, opening it a crack. “What is it now, Ice King?”

 

“What do princesses like?”

 

“They like it when you leave them alone when they are trying to work,” Bubblegum said, and pressed her glasses up her nose at him. “Go away.”

 

“But that’s not useful adviiiice,” Ice King whined, and he crawled through the window and oofed onto the floor. “What if the princess doesn’t want me to go away?” Bubblegum made a disbelieving face. “She really doesn’t want me to go! I'm not lying!”

 

“And you didn’t kidnap her,” Bubblegum questioned, eyes narrowed.

 

“No!” Ice King crawled up so his chin was on her lap, his fists clenched together as he begged. “You’ve got to believe me! She’s not a marrying princess! I just want to do a thing for her!”

 

Bubblegum pursed her lips. “Promise?”

 

“I promise!”

 

Bubblegum tilted her head. “Usually, if you want to get a princess something, you should ask her what she wants. If it’s a surprise, you should ask her friends and family.”

 

“Oh.” Ice King said. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

 

“Of course you didn’t,” Princess Bubblegum said lightly. “Is that everything? I’m in the middle of preparing for a crisis.”

 

“You ever feel unhappy about being single?”

 

“...get out of my castle.”

 

* * *

 

 

Flame Princess was skipping rocks on the lake when Ice King flew in. She’d heat the rock till it was dull red, then send it skipping; steam puffed up every time the superheated rocks hit the water, and boiling spots trailed after. She giggled as her latest victim started to sink, the rock turning back to a dull, dark blue as it sank down.

 

“What are you doing?” Ice King asked. He landed a few feet away from her, a safe distance from her radiant heat.

 

“Skipping rocks. Finn’s off adventuring again, so I have to entertain myself,” Flame Princess said. She picked up another rock and held it in her hands. “I’m really good at it.”

 

“Can I play?” Ice King asked.

 

She nodded. Ice King picked up a rock, covered it in ice, and skipped it. The rock flew a few skips, then floated, buoyed by water.

 

Flame Princess laughed. “You’re not supposed to float it!”

 

“I thought we put our powers on the rocks,” Ice King whined. He picked up another rock and threw it at the ice rock, shattering the ice on top with a single blow. Both rocks sank. “There, I fixed it.”

 

“Do another one like that, with the ice,” Flame Princess said. “I want to try something.”

 

Ice King nodded and covered another rock with ice. He flung it into the lake. Flame Princess took her rock, now glowing crimson, and tossed it after Ice King’s rock; it made a high arc then fell onto the ice and melted through it, sending both rocks down in a plume of hissing steam.

 

“Yes!” Flame Princess crowed. “Bullseye!”

 

“You’re really good at throwing things,” Ice King said. “How’d you get good at that?”

 

“I threw things a lot at home. I was stuck in a lamp, so I’d throw things at people who I was mad at. I had to get really good at judging distances.” She picked up another rock and started to heat it up again. “One time I knocked someone into the lake. They were going to assassinate Father while he was sleeping, but I saw them and killed them.”

 

“Woah.” Ice King picked up a rock of his own and began to ice it. “That’s heavy.”

 

“Not really. We kill each other all the time. That’s how the court works.” She blew on her rock. “Kids aren’t allowed to play until they’re grown up but everyone was so impressed by how deadly and evil I was that they waived it that one time. I’m not supposed to play in the court game again until I'm older.”

 

Ice King tossed his ice rock into the lake. “Why was that so evil? You were protecting your dad.”

 

“In the court game, if a royal catches you trying to kill them, you get reincarnated. I like turning them into cats when I reincarnate people. Cats are nice. Father likes bears. Grandpa does dogs. But you can’t get reincarnated if you get put out, like when you fall into water.” She threw her hot rock at Ice King’s rock; it sizzled through the ice. “It’s super evil to permanently kill someone instead of reincarnating them if they’re playing the court game.”

 

“Oh.” Ice King picked up another rock and brushed dust off of it. “But you didn’t actually know you weren’t supposed to do it.”

 

“No, but it doesn’t matter. Evil is as evil does. I killed them and they are dead and and I can’t change it. Besides, I wanted them to die.” Flame Princess picked up another rock. “They were going to hurt my dad.”

 

“I know that feeling. If someone hurt you or Finn or Princess Bubblegum or Gunter, I’d kill them,” Ice King said. He started to ice his rock. “Do you think I’m evil?”

 

“I don’t know.” She tossed her rock back and forth. “I don’t think so. You’re really nice to me and you don’t do bad things. You haven’t killed people or tortured them or hurt them or anything.”

 

“No, I didn’t!” Ice King smiled. “I try to take care of everyone.”

 

“You do,” she said. “You don’t kidnap people or act creepy either.”

 

“No,” Ice King said. “I don’t think so.” He paused. “Sometimes I catch princesses, but it’s a game! They pretend they don’t like me and then I have to get them to stop pretending. It’s a very hard game. They’re very good at it. I haven’t gotten them to break character yet!”

 

Flame Princess looked at him funny. “Is that what you think?”

 

“Yeah. It’s really obvious!” Ice King tossed his rock. “I know you’re not playing cuz you’re too young and you have a boyfriend. It’s like a mark. I can tell when a princess wants to play.” He paused. “You’re looking at me funny.”

 

“If a princess likes you, why wouldn’t she just say?” Flame Princess asked. She didn’t toss her rock.

 

Ice King shrugged. “Why not? It’s fun. And it helps me not pick the wrong princess. I have to choose the right one, and the challenge makes it easier for me to pick. And lots of girls play hard to get!”

 

“Not all princesses are girls,” Flame Princess said reproachfully.

 

“Most of them are, so it’s close enough,” Ice King said. “Besides, boys can play hard to get too, and everyone else does it. They’re testing me.”

 

“To see if you’re worthy.”

 

“Yes.”

 

 

“Isn’t that too complex? Why not just tell you? If they’re the right princess, wouldn’t they say they like you? That’s how we do it at home. First we court and make sure that our partner likes us, and then we prove ourselves via challenges created for each other. It’s stupid to do it the other way around,” Flame Princess said. “Like, then challenge. What if they actually don’t like you and you haven’t figured it out?”

 

“No way!” Ice King said. He froze another rock. “I know they like me.”

 

“How?”

 

“It’s a gut feeling. It’s like how I know someone’s touching my snow or how I know that Princess Bubblegum knows about princesses and dead people. I just know it,” Ice King said, and he rubbed his head, his thumb brushing over a gemstone.

 

Flame Princess frowned. She opened her hand and looked at the rock. Her fingers had left marks in it, and melted stone had oozed under her fingernails. “Maybe your gut is wrong,” she said, and flung the stone out. It flew, dripping, and splashed into the water with a loud sizzle.

 

“Don’t say that,” Ice King said, and flopped back. “My gut’s the best.”

 

Flame Princess sighed and flopped back beside him. “Your gut sucks,” she said, “but you’re my friend so I’ll let it go for now.”

 

“Ok,” Ice King said. He rolled onto his side so he could look at her. “Is there anything you really want?”

 

“What’s this sudden change? Are you trying to bribe me?” Flame Princess chuckled.

 

“No, no, I was just thinking,” Ice King said, gesturing, “that you’re my friend so I should do a nice thing for you!” A nice dad thing, like Marceline had told him to. “So I want to find the thing you want the most and give it to you.”

 

Flame Princess didn’t respond for a long moment. She picked up a rock and watched it grow red and soft around her fingers. “I want to be able to touch things without hurting them,” he said. “Everything I touch goes up in smoke. I can’t touch Finn or kiss him or hug him, and I can’t play cards, and I can’t hug you. I’m evil because I hurt everything I touch.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Ice King said. “I do that too. It’s not like we’re trying to hurt them.”

 

“No,” said Flame Princess.

 

“So you’re not evil and I’m not evil,” Ice King said, “and I’m going to find a way for you to touch things.”

 

Flame Princess turned on her side and reached over to him. She put her hand next to his so he could feel her radiant warmth and he touched her fingertips with his. His skin sizzled at the touch, but it was worth seeing her surprised smile.


End file.
